50. Act naturally

49. Found missing

48. Resident alien

47. Advanced BASIC

46. Genuine imitation

45. Airline food

44. Good grief

43. Same difference

42. Almost exactly

41. Government organization

40. Sanitary landfill

39. Alone together

38. Legally drunk

37. Silent scream

36. American history

35. Living dead

34. Small crowd

33. Business ethics

32. Soft rock

31. Butt head

30. Hot chili

29. Software documentation

28. New York culture

27. New classic

26. Sweet sorrow

25. Childproof

24. "Now, then ..."

23. Synthetic natural gas

22. Christian Scientists

21. Passive aggression

20. Taped live

19. Clearly misunderstood

18. Peace force

17. Extinct Life

16. Temporary tax increase

15. Computer jock

14. Plastic glasses

13. Terribly pleased

12. Computer security

11. Political science

10. Tight slacks

9. Definite maybe

8. Pretty ugly

7. Twelveounce pound cake

6. Diet ice cream

5. Rap music

4. Working vacation

3. Exact estimate

2. Religious tolerance

And the number one top oxymoron:

1. Microsoft Works

SOCIALISM - YOU HAVE TWO COWS, YOU GIVE ONE TO YOUR NEIGHBOR.

COMMUNISM - YOU HAVE TWO COWS, THE GOVERNMENT TAKES ONE AND GIVES YOU THE MILK.

FASCISM - YOU HAVE TWO COWS, THE GOVERNMENT TAKES BOTH OF THEM AND SELLS YOU THE MILK.

NAZISM - YOU HAVE TWO COWS, THE GOVERNMENT TAKES BOTH OF THEM AND SHOOTS YOU.

CAPITALISM - YOU HAVE TWO COWS, YOU SELL ONE AND BUY A BULL.

IN ISRAEL - YOU HAVE TWO COWS, THE BANK TAKES BOTH OF THEM SHOOTS ONE,MILKS ONE,THROW AWAY THE MILK AND YOU SHOT YOURSELF.

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

5. On a long ride, sway side-to-side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

6. Shave.

7.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

8. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

9. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

11. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

12. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

13. Do Tai Chi exercises.

14. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

15. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

16. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

17. Meow, occasionally.

18. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

19. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go!" then sigh and say "Oops!"

20. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

21. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

22.Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

23. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.

24. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

25. Leave a box between the doors.

26. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

27. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers, with it.

28. Start a sing-along.

29. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

30. Play the harmonica.

31. Shadow box.

32. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

33. Lean against the button panel.

34. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

35. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

36. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space"

37. Bring a chair along.

38. Blow spit bubbles.

39. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

40. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

41. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

42. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

43. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

44. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."

45. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"